And the worst part about saying good-bye? The vast darkness known has obliviousness and ignorance. We never know what our lives will lead to, and after saying our good-byes, we become more blind. This blindness makes me, as well as others, frustrated, sad, and confused.
I'm mad that I don't know what will happen to our relationship. I'm mad and sad that my friends have left me alone, making me feel worthless and melancholy. I'm sad and confused as to why everyone left me, even if there are still people here. I don't understand why people leave me, even if there is a legitamite reason. Mom got a new job? Okay, I get it, I understand. Dad is sick, so you need to move? I understand. I understand the reasons why people leave, but I just don't understand why people have to leave me. I was lucky enough to know these people and then in just a short amount of time, they're taken away from me.
As mentioned in my previous blog, a lot of my friends have left. Not just 'friends', but some of my best friends. The people I've grown up with; the people I've grown to love and understand. I don't know why they all left me; I understand the reasons, I just don't know why I'M the one person who had to have all her best friends leave.
Recently, I had several friends taken away from me in the past two months. My best friends. The friends I've grown up with and if I haven't grown up with them, it sure feels like I did. I loved and still love every single one of those people who left. Want to know something even worse? I didn't realize it til the last days that they were here, that I loved them. I knew they were my friends, but it wasn't until their last days here that I realized how much I care and love them. That's one of the worst things that can happen when saying good-bye. You always ask yourself (in the end), "Why didn't I know this sooner?" or "I could have treated them better if I realized this sooner..." or even "I could have said something, to show my true feelings." You always regret NOT noticing things sooner. I know I do...