"They Say Quitters Never Win"

"But we walk the plank on a sinking ship. There's a world outside of my front door, the gets off on being down." - Fall Out Boy

I love music. A lot of people say, "Oh music is awesome, I seriously love it!" or "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MUSIC!" And as true as that may be or sound, I don't think they know the magnitude of how music affects our lives. We just think, "Okay, I'm going to listen to some awesome beats." Okay, we get the earphones and we plug them into our ears. We nod our heads as the beats take over our mind and slowly, our souls. *Click. Okay, songs over. Move on to the next portion of our lives.

But you see, to me, music is so much more. On different days, I'll listen to music because I need something to relax me. I've had a stressful day at school and I just need something melodic and sweet to the ear. I put my earphones in to my ears and relax to the soothing sounds of Jack Johnson or Colbie Callait. But oh no, I don't stop there. I reel in the lyrics of the songs and I let the words take control of me. They wrap themselves around my brain and squeeze the stress out of it. This is what music is to me. The beat is what makes sweet-loving to my ears, but the lyrics are what really control my brain and take me away.  

Greed

I have to admit, today's Pre-Calculus class was epic... wait no, it was BEYOND epic.

Our AMAZING teacher, Mr. Lee (who hopefully, will give me an A for this AWESOMETASTIC blog), introduced us to this game we like to call "Greed." The name itself implies that the game involves self-control and reasoning.

The objective of the game is to have the most points in the end. After several rounds, you rally all the points up and that is what decides the winner.

How do you get points? It's actually quite simple. To start off, you have to have a 6-sided die. The number you roll, is the number of points you get. Simple right? To start off the game, everyone who is playing has to stand up. Every time a die is rolled, the person standing gets the number of points that is shown on the die. However, when a player feels that it's appropriate to stop gaining points, they sit down. Sounds awesome and all right? But of course, there has to be a catch... there's always a catch in a gambling game! The catch is that if you happen to roll a two after the first roll, you receive zero points for the entire round and you have to sit down.

Would you play? Probably not, but I guarantee you, it's a pretty fun 'gambling' game for those who don't want to confuse themselves with Poker, Texas Hold'em, etc. I think one of the qualities that makes this game so fun and understandable, is that almost everyone with an average-statistic background knows the chances of rolling every number. Unlike Blackjack or Poker, in which the player knows the statistics somewhat but everything is mostly based on luck, Greed gives every player the chance to understand their probabilities.

Every player has a 1/6 chance of getting two, which means they have a 5/6 chance in getting any number but it. So, hello, the odds are in your favor right? :) LETS DO ITTTTT!

I'm Awesome... No You're Not Dude, Don't Lie.

Today, I'm going to expand on one of my bestest buds in the whole wide world:

Chris Barry.

Chris Barry has been my friend for the past 4-5 years. We went to school together for 2 of those years, and I swear, he never failed to make my day. Here on the island, we don't see too many Caucasians around, and you know Chris? He was one of the few who lived here. He was the one kid that stood out whenever we'd go anywhere (mostly because of his looks, but his personality stood out as well). He's really tall and wears glasses. He's dorky, but so are half of my other friends and myself... which is why we always got along so well. In 8th grade, he never failed to make my class and I smile every day at school. In 9th grade, he sat in front of me in Sex-Ed, World Geography, and Civics. I always would see him sneak a look at the ESPN website during class when we were supposed to be "working on our research papers." I wouldn't say anything... well most of the time I wouldn't. I swear, if it wasn't for Chris, I probably wouldn't know that much about basketball, baseball, or football; he's the only one who ever exposed me to the teams and team players of these different sports. Every day, there was something to be said about Clemson's basketball team or an insult to a rival team of his favorite football team.

I remember having PE with Chris; I think it was my favorite class besides Algebra and Art. PE in itself wasn't that great of a class. Our teacher made us run and the only sport I really enjoyed playing was kickball, teamball, and the numbers game in basketball (and now, we don't even play teamball anymore). However, Chris was always there to make PE class entertaining. . . Especially when we played kickball. He would be that one person who would call our PE teacher, Mr. L, out on whatever he does wrong. If he rolls it wrong, Chris would be all up on his butt for it. If he makes an unfair call (or even a fair call), Chris would be up and yelling at our PE teacher, calling it unfair. He made everyone laugh at this and it made me enjoy PE class.

When Chris left my school last year, to go to a public school just a couple miles away (literally, like 2-3 miles away), I was devastated. What could I do without my tall, amazingly dorky, dorkasarus rex? I would see him maybe, twice a month, or maybe a bit more, depending on the amount of homework I had. Even after leaving my school, he was still the same Chris. He was still a dork. He still would call out our PE teacher if he ever had the chance. He still played basketball (by the way, 80% of his three-point shots went in). He was still talking about his favorite sport teams. He was stil Chris.

You know, Chris has this one unique characteristic that everyone knows him for:
Mouth-rapping (or rapping a song). He was amazingly good at reciting raps, but it was just so funny to see, because he really made it a point to open his mouth and wave his hands in certain motions. He listened to rap, reggae, hip-hop, and Ke$ha... random combination, no? I remember for his birthday party this year, he rapped to T-Pain and Flo Rida. He was so into it, it was entertaining to watch. And because it was Chris, he got everyone to follow him and we all started rapping and singing in a party bus for like, half-n-hour. Ai, that dork, how I love him to bits! :)

This dork, however, just recently left me. He left to Viriginia with his family, beacuse his father got a new awesometastic job. I miss him so much, and I hate him for leaving... well not really. I actually love that dork to pieces, so I'm just mad that he left me. I'm actually planning on seeing him this summer, if I get enough money to go to Georgetown for JSA. I'm more excited to see him and brother than I am to go to Georgetown... which is a ton.

And Chris Barry, if you ever read this:
I told you so.

You Know What?

I'm already sick and tired of school. I'm already frustrated with my homework. I'm already bored out of my mind during class. And I'm already getting senioritis. I'm only a junior and it's my third week of high school, so this is not good.... right?

I've been known to be the "Procrastinator" in my class, yet, I manage to maintain straight A's. I wait til the last minute to do my work and end up getting full credit (most of the time, anyways). It worked pretty well freshmen year and sophomore year... even with an AP class. Not to brag or anything, but I ended up with a pretty good grade in APUSH sophomore year WITH procrastinating. I'm not saying that procrastinating is the way to go... I'm just saying that anything is possible; even with procrastinating. :)!

However, junior year is definitely not the year to be procrastinating. This is the one year that colleges and universities take maginifying glasses to and examine. This is the one year that truly counts. Sure, the grades from your other classes and years count, but this... this is the year you really need to put effort into. Yet, that intensity hasn't set into me yet. I'm not feeling the pressure or stress of doing well in my classes. This isn't good right? I need to be trying my best... from the very start to the very end.

My focuses for this year?
1) Get my head in the game. Get ready for upcoming tests. Get ready for my sports. Get ready for college. Just. Get. READY.
2) SATs and ACTs. My goal for the SATs is to get a 2000. That's hard, I know... I currently have 1800, so I need to increase my score by 200 points! I CAN DO THIS!
3) Improve my critical reading. Not only because of the SATs and ACTs, but to improve my understanding of reading and all that. I'm taking AP Language this year and AP English Literature next year as a senior, so I need to improve my writing NOW... or else I'll be in deep doodoo. :)

Let's see if I can go through with these focuses. I say I'm going to do them... but in the past, when I say I will do something, only 60% of the time I actually go through with it. SO...

LETS DO IT!

Oh and I ran for co-president today and made a speech. It was epic fail because no one smiled or laughed... I think I'm going to lose. BUT IT'S OKAY, because if I don't make it, at least I won't have to go to Wednesday Meetings for STUCO. :D!

The Hardest Part

Saying good-bye is always the hardest part in any relationship. It's not the beginning; it's not the arguments; it's not the petty fights; it's definitely not the ignorance; it's the good-byes that hurt the most. At a point in every relationship, good-byes are sad, no matter how hard it may seem.

And the worst part about saying good-bye? The vast darkness known has obliviousness and ignorance. We never know what our lives will lead to, and after saying our good-byes, we become more blind. This blindness makes me, as well as others, frustrated, sad, and confused.

I'm mad that I don't know what will happen to our relationship. I'm mad and sad that my friends have left me alone, making me feel worthless and melancholy. I'm sad and confused as to why everyone left me, even if there are still people here. I don't understand why people leave me, even if there is a legitamite reason. Mom got a new job? Okay, I get it, I understand. Dad is sick, so you need to move? I understand. I understand the reasons why people leave, but I just don't understand why people have to leave me. I was lucky enough to know these people and then in just a short amount of time, they're taken away from me.

As mentioned in my previous blog, a lot of my friends have left. Not just 'friends', but some of my best friends. The people I've grown up with; the people I've grown to love and understand. I don't know why they all left me; I understand the reasons, I just don't know why I'M the one person who had to have all her best friends leave.

Recently, I had several friends taken away from me in the past two months. My best friends. The friends I've grown up with and if I haven't grown up with them, it sure feels like I did. I loved and still love every single one of those people who left. Want to know something even worse? I didn't realize it til the last days that they were here, that I loved them. I knew they were my friends, but it wasn't until their last days here that I realized how much I care and love them. That's one of the worst things that can happen when saying good-bye. You always ask yourself (in the end), "Why didn't I know this sooner?" or "I could have treated them better if I realized this sooner..." or even "I could have said something, to show my true feelings." You always regret NOT noticing things sooner. I know I do...

Don't Leave...

I don't understand it. It seems like every time I turn left or right, there is one less person there. For years, I was surrounded by a mob of friends; my best friends, at that. Now, I'm surrounded by new, unfamiliar faces that I don't recognize. Yes, I still have a couple friends around, but that doesn't make up for the fact that I have lost many.

I blame Saipan... I think everyone blames Saipan. Our failing economy forces children and their families to move to a more stable environment. Our constant power outages anger new residents, as well as old. The amount of robberies and thefts are increasing. Every. Single. Day. We just recently had a rape case this summer and it was truly devasting to hear about. Not only that, but it scared the residents on Saipan, making them too afraid to leave their houses. The residents became too paranoid to run around Beach Road or their neighborhood. The "outsiders" felt (and still feel) like they're getting picked on because they stick out like sore thumbs. All of these things prevent new comers from coming because they are so unappealing. Not only that, but they drive away old residents.

It all started with my best friends. Lisa, my best friend from soccer, left around 2006. I thought that was so devastating, but I had other friends to distract me and it wasn't that bad. Then, my other best friend left in 2008. That was hard; probably one of the hardest things I ever had to go through emotionally. Now, I don't think I'll ever be able to see her. After that, all my friends started leaving one by one. JUST this year, 7 of my friends left or are leaving. Last year, around 4 of them did. In just 2 years, 11 of my friends left. What kind of message does that send to you? Yah, there's GOTTA be something wrong with this island.

I love this island to death, I can not lie. It's the place where I was born and raised; the place where I learned to be ME. Saipan did shape me into a better person, because I was exposed it's diversity and loving culture. When I was little, Saipan was the best place for ME. A little American/Palauan girl who knew nothing about materialism, but everything about having fun and loving people. I am who I am because of Saipan; because of it's culture; because of the people. I love Saipan, because I grew up here. I just hate it because it's driving away my friends.

"Bucket"... Get It? XD

People look too much into death, it's sad, really. They forget what to live for because they are consumed with the idea of dying. People too often think, "Death is scary, I'm going to live in my room for the rest of my life to avoid it," instead of thinking, "Death is inevitable, so I should live my life to the fullest!" You don't realize how much life has to offer, because you're too scared of what the only things death has to offer: a sense of uncertainty, loneliness, and fear.
Me? No, no, no, I am quite aware of what death has to offer. Fortunately, I am fully aware of what life has to offer as well. I even made a list of things I want to do before "seeing the light." A lot of you know this list as the "Bucket List." You've probably already made one or thought about making one. It's just a list of things you want to do before you die! Soooo, here's mine. :)

- - - - - - - - - - -

The first thing on my list? Most of you probably thought of the typical, "skydive" or "travel around the world," when you made your list. You see, I'm not a typical person, therefore, I'm not putting a typical answer. I'm putting:

"Buying out an entire Cinnabon restaurant and eating everything within two days."

Why? You shouldn't even be asking that. Cinnabon is heaven in a soft, cinnamon, swirly bun form. That's all you need to know.

The second thing on my list?

"Streak with 5 of my closest friends in Europe for a mile."

Oh yes, I said it. You might be thinking "Ew. That's so embarassing and degrading." You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking it's a sense of freedom that everyone needs to have before "moving on." I'm thinking it's a feeling of having absolutely no weight on your shoulders. I'm thinking it's getting the feeling of breaking the rules and being free. I'm thinking that it's probably one of the most ground-breaking feelings one can feel in their lifetime. You see, if you think it's weird, okay, that's not necessarily my problem. Just don't come complaining to me when you have a wedgie and whine about underwear problems. I'll be wedgie-and-underwear-free in Europe, running around carelessly with my best friends.

Well, the first two on my list were pretty epic, right? Those were the only two I really wanted to emphasize. Don't worry, I'll tell you the other things on my list. You know, like how I want to meet someone ridiculously famous and get their autograph on my stomach. OH! And how I want to go para-sailing on my tiny island, as well as wake-boarding without severely damaging any of my limbs. Did I mention I want to go to at least ONE of the Men AND Women's World Cups? Because I do; and I want to buy a vuvuzela and be one of the thousands of annoying fans in the stands (hey, that RHYMES!). If you can't beat'em, join'em right?

My list also includes: buying a llama and training it to spit at burglars, building my dream house for my future generation (I love them that much already), playing with/against the US WNT, have a meaningful conversation with Obama (WIN!), writing a novel about my pathetic life (I think that's called an "Autobiography"), eat at an expensive restaurant and yell out how bad the food is when I get it, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can wait to share.

That concludes my first blog for this blogspot. Stay tuned for more! :)