Tuesday, July 10, 2012

No Direction

It's hard to write.  It's hard to think. It's hard to read.

It is very hard for me to be productive.  Lately, I've been a Twitter-Facebook-Tumblr fiend who sits on my couch for literally 5 hours at a time, only to leave for bathroom and food breaks.  I occasionally sit and watch my favorite shows, but that's only if it's on Netflix and ready to be streamed.  I have become this lazy couch potato.... ew gross.

If I'm not out with friends, this is what I do.  This is what my life has resorted to: sitting on my ass, typing on a keyboard, searching for something to amuse me or stir some jealous rage.  To add, I think I am depraved of all my good judgment.  What happened to fixating my mindset on being a good person, doing good for the world, and acting upon my morality? It's all gone into the newly stored fat on my body, along with the potato chips, chocolate, and cereal I have stuffed myself with.

I hate being lazy. In high school, I was so damn productive. I did my school work (okay maybe I procrastinated, but I was able to pass with flying colors) and I put in effort into my athletic career. Damn, school and sports were my LIFE! And now that it's summer, a majority of my friends (not all, thank goodness) are gone, and I have no high school to fuel my once-incessant need to be competitive, I have become this fat lazy slob.  You see, if I had a car, I would be able to get off my ass and go for a run every now and again.  But I don't have a car because I fucked it up.... like literally, it's been in the shop for a month because I fell asleep at the wheel.  I've learned to just accept it. Okay, maybe not accept it, but I hold in my rage when people laugh at the thought, rather than lash out.  I shouldn't be mad, because what I did was stupid blha blah freaking blah. That's the end of it, laugh all you want... I won't judge you because I'm really not supposed to.

Anyways, I have pretty much ruined all my possibilities of being productive this summer. Since I don't have a car, I can't do my errands or work.  And my parents have to pay for the damages, so that means I cannot be spending money either, so I'm really just stuck at home dong absolutely nothing. I shouldn't really complain, seeming that I put myself in this situation, but it does rather suck.  A lot actually.

I have tried to be productive while I'm on the computer. I go on several sites that include DIY projects and I've been self-learning ukulele. I also try to learn new things every day.... only sadly, they don't really help me intellectually.  I wish I could find something that could make me a better writer, so I'd have an easier time in college and getting my point across.... like now.

I'm just ranting. But that's what blogs are all about I guess. :')

1 comment: